Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
