Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
