I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
