do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
dude. I can hear the air.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
