I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
