He uses pillows to masturbate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
