I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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