Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
