I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
pop tarts are not kleenex
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
