if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
