OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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