I'm jealous of your bromance
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
