I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we should paint friendship bongs
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