So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize