sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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