I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
