i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sober January is a disaster.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
