Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who died my cat blue again?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again