Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who put my cat in the fridge?