well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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