At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
