He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
