i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
