I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
