My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
