I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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