he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize