But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
