The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
