im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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