Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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