I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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