He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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