Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
