Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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