I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
