You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
