i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
