Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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