i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
