$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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