it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
