After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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