Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
whose ass print is on the piano?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
