if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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