i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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