Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
