As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
