Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
