Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
