Fine. I'll sleep in my office
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
