This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
