i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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