that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
