haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize