bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
