Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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