Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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