Sponge bath it is.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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