Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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