so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
