I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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